Parents First - Know Yourself

Take a day to heal from the lies you've told yourself and the ones which have been told to you

-Maya Angelou

In a previous post I wrote about parents being role models for their children. But first we have to know ourselves. Sometimes it is relatively easy to look at others and assess who they are by the words they say and by their actions. When we go for a job interview the interviewer immediately makes an assessment based on how we walk into the room, our appearance and our opening remarks. A simple handshake will tell the tale as to whether we are a go- getter or merely there to get a job.

The reverse is infinitely more difficult to do; looking inward at our self ( Introspection) One way to pass on value to our children is by first knowing what our values are i.e bringing to light what is at the core of our being. I am not suggesting that we all rush out and see a therapist, instead lets take the time to look inward at ourselves. A practice of self talk would be a great place to start.

Self talk allows us to forge a relationship with ourselves. We should aim to identify our -

• strong points


• weak points ( challenges)


• frustrations


• goals/passions


• personality type

During our self talk we must take a honest look at our childhood. For some of us this may be painful but it is a necessary step in "fleshing out" our true self. Our past experience has a major impact on how we live our lives today. We cannot change the past but it can be used as a stepping stool to moving forward. Without knowing it, we live or present lives by responding to situations from our past. I am not referring to only negative experiences but most times this takes pre- eminence which shapes our daily thought processes. Finally, the goal of self talk is to lead us to personal development. This is not a destination but a process; one that will provide great assistance to us in our role as parents.

There are numerous resources to assist us along the journey of self development. We can go to a therapist, read books, keep a journal, self talk etc. Whichever method (s) that leads to a sustained inward look into our core is far more beneficial that living our lives by rote. I am not advocating perfection because that is unrealistic and will only add more pressure to our busy lives.


Utopia Moment -:The new craze is to de-clutter our homes. I would like to suggest that we step back for a minute and first perform a mental de-clutter. Let us strive to recreate our mental environment so that we can maximize our present lives and inadvertently pass on a new legacy to our children.