Parents First - Just for Moms

Moms have feelings too. We must learn to mother ourselves-Christiane Northrup

We bear children which makes not only our bodies unique but also our mental psyche. Ladies tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Within a matter of minutes our emotions can run the gauntlet from being openly ecstatic to totally withdrawn.

On a good day a mom's journal entry might read -

Today I feel empowered to take charge of my life. I feel rather
tranquil and mellow although I am surrounded by chaos. There is stress,
clutter, confusion and much to do, but for now I feel calm. I am not sure what
my calmness means but I'll take it! I feel mentally strong and I will
continue to build on that strength by incorporating timeliness and organization in
my life. Having quiet time allows me to rest and I am able to clear the fog from my brain.

The reverse is also true. On a bad day or series of bad days the journal entry could read...

Since last week I have been feeling horrible. It's an ongoing brain saga of PPD, PMS, overtired, overworked, hating my job, busy with the kids, no time for husband, messy house syndrome. Being a full time working mom is a travesty. How can one person be expected to do so much and remain sane? I am swimming in working mom's guilt. My brain feels like its being dipped in hot oil and then put in the oven on slow cook. I would like to sleep for a week without interruption from the outside world. My days are like run along sentences that is never ending,
doing a lot without a functioning brain. There is no time to transition from one
crisis to the next!!!

These two contrasting journal entries are ones that moms experience on any given day. They are both real and honest. The confusion comes when we try to negate the second entry and force ourselves into believing that we should always be living in entry number one. At our core, the first entry is what we know to be factual and nothing will change that. However, we have many days where we experience the daily frustrations outlined in the second entry.

How do we reconcile the two experiences? By understanding our mind body connection as females. A few years ago I read Christiane Northrup's book entitled, Women's bodies, women's wisdom and it was a real eye opener. This book was more than an "Aha Aha moment, it was a revelation of unspoken truths, the answer to many unanswered questions. It provided the missing link between the how and the why of our emotional experiences.

Utopia moment - A major step in being a mom is first accepting ourselves as females, Next understanding what it means to be a female with a myriad of hormones and emotions that shape our everyday experiences.

Anne Marrow Lindberg says it best -

Distraction is, always has been and probably always will
be, inherent in woman's life. For to be woman is to have
interest and duties, raying out in all all directions from the
central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel. The
pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all
points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home,
community:stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider's web to
each breeze that blows, to each call that comes. How difficult for us,
then, to achieve a balance in the midst of these contradictory tensions,
and yet how necessary for the proper functioning of our lives. How much we need, and how arduous of attainment is that steadiness preached in all rules for holy living. How desirable and how distant is the ideal of the contemplative, artist or saint-the inner inviolable core, the single eye..............

The bearing, rearing, feeding and educating of children;the
running of a house with its thousand details: human relationships with their myriad pulls-woman's normal occupations in general run counter to creative lives, or contemplative life, or saintly life.......... the problem is how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life, how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong no matter what shocks come in that periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel.

What is the answer? there is no easy answer, no complete
answer.......the first step is in simplification of life, in cutting out
some of the distractions. But how? The solution is neither in
total renunciation of the world, nor in total acceptance of
it. I must find a balance somewhere, or an alternating
rhythm between these two extremes: a swinging of the pendulum between solitude and communion, between retreat and return.