Parents First

Previously I spoke about the daily marathon that mom's face when it comes to caring for our children. Next I am going to talk about just what it means to be a parent. The focus is not only on the moms but parents on a whole. We all agree that moms tend to take on the lion share of child rearing even when there is a partner/spouse who is giving 100% support. Let's chalk this up to our innate nurturing ability.


I want to start with the parents first because we are role models for our children. Society has crowned the celebrities and sports heroes as role models but it is the duty of parents to be the original role models for their children. As the primary care givers it is our duty to provide guidance and a nurturing environment in which our children can thrive.


Children live what they learn, whether it is by observation or direct teaching. They have the ability to hear beyond what is being said; to see beyond the obvious, and this is what they react to. That being the case, we as parents need to examine ourselves to determine the impact that we are making on our children. We should be willing to take an indept look at our inner selves and see what improvements we need to make to enhance our selves which will inturn benefit our children.


As parents, our major challenge is to teach our children without them knowing that they are being taught. Ninety-nine percent of our child rearing is done by the seat of our pants. Lets take the time to be more deliberate about our approach to child rearing. Take time to think and execute a plan of action that in the long term will provide the maximum benefit for our children. I want us to see beyond the obvious such as providing a good school, extracurrical activities etc. Let us focus on providing the intangible for our children so that they can possess the life tools/skills to have a rewarding life.


When it comes to child rearing the aim should not be to create ''perfect little children". Our goal should be to help them build a strong bridge to carry them through the different phases of life from infancy to adulthood. To plant seeds that will help them become responsible citizens who posses powerful life skills. This includes -:

• Solid decision making skills
• Develop clarity of thought
• Practice analytical skills
• Ability to make sound judgements
• To learn conflict resolution
• Social awareness
• Civic duty
• Compassion for fellowmen
• Self esteem
• Self control /boundraries
  

Overall children need "roots to make them strong and wings so that that they can fly."

In my next post I will be going more indept on examining our selves as parents. The parenting of our children will be most effective after we have first examined ourslves and make the necessary changes in our lives

Mom's world; the marathon

What a circus act we women preform every day of our lives. It puts the trapeze artist to shame. Look at us. We run a tight rope daily, balancing a pile of books on the head. Baby-carriage, parasol, kitchen chair, still under control. Steady now!

-Anne Marrow Lindberg

Author "Gift from the sea"

Moms everywhere are trying to attain a work life balance. Nice Cliche ! What moms really want is a perfect world, where they can work 9 to 5, manage their home, take care of the kids and have healthy relationships with their spouse and family without feeling as if they are running a daily marathon.

A perfect world? Who are we kidding? Whether you have one child or many, mommy's world is always hectic. The term working mom includes stay at home moms and those who work 9 to 5 at a regular job outside of the home. The demands are the same and the exhaustion is equally deadly. Many years ago my grand mother told me that "once a mom always a mom". When the children are young they tie up your feet and when they are older, they tie up your heart.

Ladies, being a mom means that you will be in it for the long haul. Children demand physical and emotional attention for many years to come. The minute you bring baby home, or better yet the minute you give birth to baby the marathon begins. All is well with the world except that the excitement bubble is about to "bust", leaving mommy totally deflated. Moms get deflated not because they are unhappy but because of the fear of not being able to sufficiently take care of the precious babies. Yet, the love that mommy's have for the their children is like a buoy in the water. It keeps us afloat amidst all of the daily tasks including, doctor appointments, school trips, cleaning, cooking, laundry, school conferences, music lessons, soccer practice, tutoring, spills and thrills, which leaves us with deep exhaustion.

Exactly what is this marathon? It is our desire to sufficiently provide for our children. Not only to supply their basic needs of food, clothes and shelter, but to equip them with the intangible. We aim to provide them with roots so that they can be strong and wings so that they can fly. As moms we aim to give our children the best education, exposure to different facets of life and to various extracurricular activities. We aim to build their moral conscience and develop their social and religious awareness. Moms need lots of support and encouragement to make the impossible happen or at a minimum to plant these seeds of awareness in our children.

This requires constant reinforcement and long-term commitment, hence the comparison to a marathon. The struggle comes in because we are trying to achieve all of the above with divergent forces at hand. There are racial, financial and demographic factors that make the journey difficult. Moms everywhere are running their own personal marathon in a world that is far from being a utopia.